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| for your viewing pleasure.
first one is of downtown orlando. second is a closeup during a shoot I had
 
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| How does someone lose a contact? I kept it in its case all summer long. I toss it in my bag to bring it back with me. I go put on the right contact then look for the left contact and the case for it is not even in the box! sucks to only wear one contact...grrr.
I really miss having a motorcycle. fun ride. enjoyable time to myself. much faster ride than my diesel car...
So I guess I screwed up a job by being on my cell too much at the last wedding I worked. not fun but really I had a lot of down time so why get in the way when i could just try and feed my addiction to my cell phone. anyways, I had to hear through the grapevine that I wasn't doing a good job. that i wasn't being "professional"...ridiculous. Oh, and I wasn't dressed "nice" enough either. She said that I can wear a golf shirt. that's a collared shirt. The wedding before i wore a button down shirt. I dressed nicer than what she wanted...geez.
So, guess I'm going on the church retreat this weekend. Hopefully the scenery change will do me good.
I really need some motivation so I can find a job. I need a job badly. well, I really just need the money.
thoughts on how to make my money: become a senior photog and start talking to the senior kids I know. throw them deals and get myself established. First use this time to do CDs, maybe...Or charge cheap and give cd of select images. if they want more they need to order prints online? thoughts? ideas? on this.
So I've been fairly short of breath lately. I think the times I hang out with brother and his friends are getting to me cause they all smoke. my endurance is shorter than I think it should be. I really start huffing and puffing a little earlier than I usually do. But that might also be from me being way out of shape.
I need direction in my life.
or maybe I just need a g/f?
how about a sugar momma? 
wow, listening to AnewfoundglorY right now and they are rocking my world at this moment. Love their music. grew up listening to them all through high school.
hmm, no shave november is coming up...shall I celebrate that month again? 
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| maybe I'm just tired of proving myself...proving myself worthy that I can do this...this job, this work, I wish it were easier
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| life lately has me feeling down. I don't know what to do any more. I have no real goals or ambitions. If I do come up with some then I have no idea how to go about doing so. I just can't do right in my life these days. Happy for everyone else but when can I be happy for myself...
Ever since I came back from Orlando to Phoenix, life has just been on a downhill. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. What do I do? I can't find a job out here that I would be happy to do. I have a degree but I feel it is useless now. What good is a degree in photography when I aspired to work for a company but since graduation I am forced to basically work for myself...I have had no intentions of having my own business. I don't know what to do when I am not focused on a project. I need someone to tell me what to shoot otherwise I'm all over the place. I'm not good enough to be a "pro" and I like to believe I'm better than the average Joe. I've never felt myself to be one to start my own business. maybe if I had my own studio I could work more on that. But I don't have one. I'm way too far in debt. I have 4 credit cards which are all over half used if not mostly...and then there is my school loan. Just looked at it online and I am $23k in debt for it. right now I am behind on my payments and owe about...$700. I have no income and can not pay. I hate asking my parents to help because this was supposed to be on my head for this stuff. But how can I succeed in life with all this hanging above my head.
I had no real dreams when I was younger. All I knew was that I wanted to finish college. But why? just to have a degree. Never really thought what kind of degree I would want. Never really thought What I wanted to do in life. No vision of my life past college.
Here I am, over a year after finally graduating with a (useless) degree in photography. Aiming for nothing. Don't know what I'm doing. treating life with no reason. I don't know why I'm still alive. I'm sure I have purpose but I have not found that yet. someday...I should have been dead a long time ago. How can a person with no real dreams be still alive and kicking. What am I meant to do on this planet? Dear lord what do you have in store for me? What is my purpose?!? I need an answer somehow. I need a way how to achieve it...what do I do..........
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| so I spend money yesterday at the disney store for cast members...$70...darn it. oh well. got a nice hoodie, some books for my godson, picked up a couple mugs and shot glasses, and got a cheap digital camera. Just need to get a memory stick for the camera. maybe I'll give it to my godson when i get home from Orlando.
Oh yeah, for those that don't know...I've been living in Orlando, FL for the past couple months. Working at the happiest place on earth, at yacht and beach resort and also at the boardwalk as a lifeguard. Pics on my facebook show me in costume as well as pictures that I've taken on this trip. I've enjoyed my time here. just wish I was able to take more pics for my portfolio. I guess I'll leave ya'll with a photo that I was lucky to get. | | |
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